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28.03.2006
Preps are underway
I am amazed at my mother’s friends. So let me fill you up on the events that have been happening on my life these past few weeks. I know there is this certain detachment that I have felt with my online journal, partly because I think that so much egocentric writing is a sign of immaturity. However, in retrospect, I’ve realized that the sole reason that I started with this journal in the first place is due to egotistic reasons, and I want to remain true to my word and so I promise from this time on I would also write about moi life and my foibles and shindigs that I have been a part of. And I apologize...for being too impersonal....
Anyway, back to my mother’s friends. As most of those who are part of my so-called life know, we are leaving for Singapore on April 10, yes April 10! I was as equally surprised as a deer caught in the headlights one snowy evening.
Preparations have been underway for our departure, appliances sold, transactions to wrap-up and bills to be paid. And my mom, like us also had some things to do aside from selling every fixture in the house. She went off yesterday to Calapan, Mindoro where her mentor at church, Pastora Marlene was off church-planting (for those who share the same faith as I have y’all know what that means). She left us with money to spare and our househelp, but then she also entrusted us to her friends who I might say never faltered in checking in on us despite the fact that my mom won’t be gone for 24 hours at most. They have called like every 5 hours! As if we can’t take care of ourselves, well, it just goes to show how my mom can pick great friends and be a great friend herself.
As testament to her friendship strength, last night I received a call from Canada and I was like “who’s this?” and turns out it was my Mom’s friend who migrated there about three years ago. It was Tita Lyn and she called to say that she misses my mom very much and that I should tell my mom that she should give our landline number in Singapore to her and that she’d call again.
Imagine that!
I mean I know they constantly e-mail each other but to call?
As for me, I’m busy studying for exams and figuring out what thingamajig that I own goes to whom, I took care of the books and now it all goes down to personal belongings...speaking of, I can’t find HERSHEY! The stuffed bear toy that my friend Kristy gave me on my 18th birthday, I found Pudgy, the bear hugging the pillow, Lala, the pink donkey and the bear that my ex gave me but I can’t seem to find Hershey!
So I’m off to find Hershey wherever he is...ta-ta-for-now!
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26.03.2006
phooey!
the world stops as i make my way down to you. my breathing gets shallow and the walls seem to move closer to where i am. i find you and then you vanish again. like some spectre that eludes me time and again. from the corner of the mirror i see you standing with your bak to me. and i wish with all the might that i could muster. that you would be...not only near me...not only within grasp...but be with me...tell me all the things you keep inside that fragile heart of yours...be with me and there will be no stopping all the mem'ries we'd be sharing ...if you'd be with me and not only in my dreams...
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17.03.2006
Superwoman Syndrome
The symptoms are as follows:
(1) the incessant need to fall for losers. Yes, you read it correctly, LOSERS. What do I mean by losers? Well, this includes playboys, delinquents, those who can’t do anything right, those who can’t do anything wrong, gamblers, in short all men who consider St. Jude as their patron saint. Who’s St. Jude? He’s the patron of lost causes;
(2) the feeling that she indestructible. Yes, this disease gives the women otherworldly powers (which is really a delusion) that she can change the person, the man of her life, the soulmate from this beast-fly-eating-frog to a handsome, debonair prince (tough luck!);
(3) the belief that the poor loser would be lost without her. This disease actually makes the woman feel significant and she thinks that is her life duty to transform the man of her life into a decent human being and lastly,
(4) she believes that her loved one wants to change. In the first place, she did not even ask the man if he needed saving. She just assumed that he wanted to change.Yes, I once possessed this delusional disease, and almost every girl I meet has succumbed to this disease which would only lead to heartache in the end. Because the frog that she might be grooming into a prince just wanted the comforts of the pond and not the palace itself. We cannot be Superwoman and we do not really need the challenge. We just have to be loved back and that is more than enough.
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13.03.2006
"DUTCH SHEETS: The Shift for 2006--Ministries will Restructure, as will Churches, Businesses, Individuals, and Families"
"DUTCH SHEETS: The Shift for 2006--Ministries will Restructure, as will Churches, Businesses, Individuals, and Families" -- Dutch Sheets Dutch Sheets Ministries www.dutchsheets.org Ministries will restructure, churches will restructure, businesses will restructure, individuals will restructure, and families will restructure. This will be a year of the greatest change the Church has experienced in our generation. While preparing to minister in Dallas on January 5, I heard the Holy Spirit very clearly say, "Tell them. . . " I quickly grabbed a pen and wrote the following as it was given to me: 1. "The greatest shift into the Apostolic Age comes this year. For this year, they will begin to see the abundance of fruit come forth." "Everything up to this point in time has been primarily the restoration of the apostolic and the prophetic--a preparation for what I am about to do." The fruit of God establishing the fullness of His ministry giftings and His government in the earth is going to allow Him to release unprecedented power, authority, favor, revelation, judgments, and righteousness. 2. "Opposition to the apostolic and prophetic will also be the greatest this year." He is going to expose wineskins (new or old) and religious spirits, taking off the masks of those who oppose His move. Those who refuse to move in current truth will begin to openly criticize leaders in the Body of Christ that are moving in the flow of the apostolic and the prophetic. Some have been doing so in a very subtle way, but this year, it will become obvious. When they do, God is going to begin to judge them. 3. "I must bring further changing of paradigms, not just to those who have not been moving in the flow of My Spirit, but even to those who are in the flow of My Spirit." I heard Him say, "Restructure, Restructure, Restructure." Ministries will restructure, churches will restructure, businesses will restructure, individuals will restructure (the way they do things, their time, the way they think, and the way they operate), and families will restructure. Teaching on the kingdom of God will bring about great changes of paradigms, taking us back to the original mandate of Genesis. You will hear it taught over and over again this year. Kingdom theology is going to be at the forefront. 4. "I am waiting for those who will fulfill My mission statement." (Luke 4:18-19; Isaiah 61) Preach the gospel to the poor Proclaim release to the captives Recovery of sight to the blind Set free the downtrodden Proclaim the favorable year of the Lord I heard Him say, "If those in My Church will begin to make this their mission statement, I will give them the fulfillment of every one of them." He went on to say, "There is a radical anointing of deliverance that is about to come to the Church. It will actually be violent at times, and people will be radically delivered in a moment." The favorable year of the Lord refers to Jubilee. Captives go free, and inheritances are restored. 5. "This is a year of favor--and disfavor." What you have prayed for, plowed for, sown into, longed for, cried out for, what you have seen but not been able to taste, what you have fasted for, and wept over--this is the year of favor. His favor will be seen on your family, business, finances, and body. This is a year that He will no longer allow people to ride the fence. He will draw a line in the sand and make them decide who they are and what they stand for. The political games in the Church will be judged. For those who refuse to flow with current revelation and resist it, you will see them come into disfavor. Some ministries and churches will lose their favor this year. Others will be raised up and given more influence. It is a year of dismantling that which is built that is not bringing Him glory and a year of great building for others. The landscape of the Church will change this year. 6. "I am looking this year for those who will be more heavenly minded than earthly minded." He is looking for those who will set affections on things above, on His kingdom, and what He wants. For those who will do this, He will give them insights from heaven. This will allow them to bring heaven to earth, instead of simply praying, "Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven." He will give them authority and understanding on how to bring heaven to earth. Also, for those who do this, He will cause them to see things from a heavenly perspective. Problems, challenges, vision, difficulties in their families, financial needs--all of these will begin to be seen from His perspective. 7. "I am looking for those who will believe in My power. Miracles are there for the taking." Chuck Pierce prophesied that we will see a move of God this year in which signs and wonders will break out on university campuses. Yale and the University of Texas were mentioned specifically, but the word was not limited to them. The power of God is about to invade the universities of America. 8. "Tell My leaders to pray more and work less." The sense I had was that if they will pray more, they can work less. 9. "This is the most important year yet for right alignment." This year, if we are not in proper alignment with leaders, properly connected to those we need to be walking with, and properly covered by those in positions of authority, it will begin to cost us fruitfulness and health, resulting in destruction in other ways, loss of revelation, and destiny. The setbacks will begin for those who are not properly aligned. 10. "This is the most important year yet for the right timing." Opportunities will come and go quickly. The timing of endeavors will be critical. Being at the right place at the right time will be essential. 11. "The great transfer of wealth begins this year." 12. "The river of God is coming but not as they have known it before." It will not be just refreshing and renewal. It will be deeper and will bring about great power and great harvest. 13. "This is a year of unique assignments." 14. "This is a year in which I will release an abundance of creativity." Business Technology Inventions Songs, ideas, and strategies I heard Him say, "The secrets of heaven are coming to earth." Some of it will be so revelatory that even creative ideas on how to transform whole regions of the world will be released. 15. "I am going to wreak havoc in some of the U.S. government." Corruption will be exposed. The wrong motives will be exposed. Judgment is coming to this nation with great intensity and God is going to show who is on His side. 16. "This is the year that the lid comes off of the youth movement." The Lord made that statement as I saw a picture of a giant pressure cooker, shaking and ready to explode. Suddenly, the lid blew off, and the contents flew everywhere. The shift this year will be monumental. Shift with Him, and see your greatest year ever. "Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." --Isaiah 43:18-19 Let's shift with Him! By Dutch Sheets Dutch Sheets Ministries www.dutchsheets.org
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12.03.2006
The Principle Of "WHy Not?"
According to a quote I once stumbled upon as a kid, “We all live under the same sky but we see different horizons”. We cannot achieve beyond our expectations or ceilings. And so the principle of “Why Not?” comes in.
The next time you are faced with a decision that seeks to challenge all of the comfort-loving, pleasure-seeking person that is you, ask yourself “Why Not?”. I am talking about situations that scare you out of your wits. Like trying out for a part in a play, or submitting your essay to a well-known broadsheet or just plain getting on stage at this music bar and sing your heart out. Or it may be serious situations like deciding whether or not to hold on to this dreary nine-to-five rat race that you call a career and following your dreams.
Ask yourself, “Why Not?”, it is your life, you are entitled to make your mistakes, your own decisions and your own triumphs, because you are the one who’d suffer or relish the consequences. “Why Not?” , means what have you got to lose, besides a bruised ego? What is important is that you have lived and not wallow in what-ifs decades later.
So, why not go and follow your dreams of your reckless youth? When you know it is the only way you would feel that you are alive! Why not take belly dancing classes if you really want to jiggy? Why not take a leave and dive off into deep waters? Why not let go? Why hold back?
Do not let anything stop you from coming short to your happiness. Life was meant to be LIVED and not be something you watch from your window. I hope all of us would live to the principle of “Why Not?” and stop being cowards. Let us take our life and experience real living.
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11.03.2006
Breaking Up Rules
Fairy tales do not come true, after all it happened to you. Instead of riding together towards the sunset on a steed, the Prince you thought you had snagged ran off with your evil stepmother. The princess you might have saved from certain death ran off with one of the dwarfs. After all the sweet nothings, moonlit dinners and promises you are left stunned and nursing a broken heart.
The song does ring true, “Breaking up is hard to do”. But no one said that breaking up should break you. Regardless of the fact that you feel cheated and betrayed, there is always a graceful way of doing things.
Today, I will share with you insights about the graceful way to cope with a break-up. I would discuss typical reactions, self-therapy and value of support groups and of course, the possibility of loving again.
Let it all out it’s natural. Typical Reactions to a Break-Up
Rant and NOT rampage. Go on, bang your fists against the door. Scream the life out of you. It is normal for you to feel bad and angry at the person, who I will now refer to from here on as “The EX”.
My talk is in the context of being dumped or cheated on, by expressing your feelings verbally it is a healthy way of releasing that anger. It will make you sane enough until the whole thing blows over. When you say what you feel, you make your feelings more tangible and in a way rational, and will keep you from bottling it up inside. However, it is not advisable to go berserk, run amok and all things synonymous with that phrase, like stalking her, clawing his face or staging a riot outside the ex’s place as a desperate last attempt to get back at him/her (or if you are still not over the relationship, get back together). Limit your tirades to the people who are close to you and who understand what you are going through. Do not disclose it to the person who just sat beside you on the morning ride to school or work, lest you be misdiagnosed with hysteria.
Stock-up on the Kleenex and weep a little. The EX really screwed you up. Do you not notice that after every break-up you feel like every break-up song was written for you and the ex and every love song reminds you of the time you and EX were still together? By this time, your lacrimal glands are really exercised and tears just flood the place. Just weep a little, remember the saying” Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone?” Keep the crying to a minimum and at the proper venue, not in a victory party or anywhere cheery.
There may be times that you have feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, panic, anger, loneliness and depression. These episodes may last and you must not be bothered by people who tell you that you should be over the EX a long time ago. Everyone has to get by with their own time clock. .
Uh-Oh , smells like trouble
Take up perpetual hibernation as an occupation. You think that the whole world sucks and you want to live the remainder of your life as a hermit. And maybe just by doing this you can be a legend in your own time…dream on. Aside from missing out on the latest things to happen, hibernating will only “feed” your depression. Go out with friends, get a new life, not hide under a rock.
Throw caution to the wind and splurge. When we talk about surrounding yourself with a support system to get you by, I did not mean booze or any substance that can alter your body’s normal functioning. After all, if you wish to drown your sorrows through drinking, I think you should know by now that these sorrows are pretty good swimmers. Shopaholics be warned- a break-up is not a valid excuse to whip up your credit card and be like Imelda Marcos, who was once addressed to as the “Mine” girl by a sales assistant at Bloomingdale’s in New York. Refrain from entering a shopping center fully loaded with emotional baggage and money at hand. Not only does the state of mind influence shopping savvy, you could end up wasting a lot of money.
On the Rebound? Think again. Despite your good intentions, you have to admit you are just trying to save face. Rebound relationships are doomed to fail because attitudes, especially yours may not be right.
Asking the question, “ What is wrong with me? Do not even attempt to entertain this question. The reality is there is nothing wrong with you. Relationships may or may not work depending on a lot of circumstances and, the person who dumped you may have issues to deal with and the problem is not your personality but the EX’s.
CPR for the Broken Heart
C is for Cleanse. Point, Click and Delete system. Throw out everything that reminds you of the EX. Any picture where he/she looks great and you look happy. Absolutely no contact should be made. Think of it as purging the EX from your system. Like a detox process.
P is for Plan. Sit down and go through what you want to do in life. This is a chance to revel in your new-found independence and do the things you had always wanted to do but never got the chance because you were to busy taking care of the EX. This is also a nice time to learn from a past relationship. Reflect on what you want to have in your future relationships and stick with it. Time also to list your goals, a way to keep you busy and forget all about the EX. Take up a new hobby, or engage in self-enriching activities. Discover the untapped talents you have.
R is for Rebuild and Renew meaningful relationships. Having people around you who can provide emotional support will boost your self-esteem and coping power. During a relationship we had prioritized the EX that we neglected our other relationships. This season of singleness can be a good time to renew and rebuild these friendships and family ties or you could just hang out with the new pet you had bought and named after your Ex’s current lover.
Isn’t R for Revenge? Don’t get mad, get even. Remember no EX is worth going to jail for if that is what the kind of revenge you had in mind. The most successful revenge you can ever pull off is to rise from the break-up unscathed and stronger. By being a better person after the break-up you may increase the chances of not getting together with a jerk like him or her again.
Slow and Steady is the Way to Go
Setbacks are common. There are days when you do not fell cooperative. It’s normal to be sidetracked. We are not programmed to be perfect. Work at your own pace and not on other’s opinions. You alone can truly tell whether you are healed or not. Open up to the possibility of loving again.
So you got dumped, it is fine to feel hurt and bitter and become expressive of it. This new phase in a person’s life can be spent by filling in new roles and engaging in worthwhile activities. A person must cleanse, plan, rebuild and renew relationships as coping strategies for feelings of loneliness and insecurity.
Breaking-up does not mean that the world as you know it ahs officially ended. Relationships do not always work out as planned. We just need a healthy attitude to help us cope and also supportive friends and family. View every event in our lives as an opportunity for growth learning and maturity. We also must live with the fact that fairy tales, for most of the time do not come true.
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03.03.2006
CATHARSIS
This is a test post.
What am I talking about?
I've been pretty silent these past few weeks because, frankly, I suddenly felt the need for privacy <plus I felt really silly writing about my personal life which is none of your business really, but then I had always loved to share>.
Aside from that, I am back to my boring uneventful life as an occupational therapy student. Ok when I saw boring and uneventful I don't mean that we don't have our own share of examinations, practicum, papers and reports. On the contrary, I think these things are what makes my life so boring. I feel like a zombie, without any goal in mind but to just rush through this exam or this requirement. There's really no form of "living" , I think I am just existing. Which can be so low at times that I feel a little bit sad and frustrated. I want to be able to experience living and not just let life pass me by. For quite awhile now I have neglected my journaling duties which I think is my only creative outlet and can help me set my priorities straight. I have tried berating myself but I find that I only regress to my innate (?) laziness.
And there is the fact of my Christian walk, I have resolved that I won't engage in "spectator Christianity" but find that I have no role models near my age who same the share sentiments as me. When you've shared one intimate moment with God, you're never going to be satisfied and that is what I feel right now. I just want to jump up and get going. When I do, I find that I am powerless because I do not know where to start. It's good that I have finally delineated my values and priorities, it's maintaining the purity of my walk that is difficult. Christianity is hard work. But my love for Him exceeds the discomfort that I feel. He loved me even before time began as said in one song. Another song was written where God was speaking and He said, "I love you more than the sun and the stars that I taught how to shine, you are mina and you shine for me too, I love you, everyday and today and tomorow, I'll say it again and again, I love you more"
Whew! The grace of God has kept me intact all these years and there's nothing more that I desire is to see Him glorified in my life. But alas, I am a new creature with an old self. I have a temper and this really cruel tongue...but then God's strength is made perfect in my weakness....
ciao!
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