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30.09.2006
mooncake festival 2006
Just came home from combined cell group which was held at Bedok. Soooo tired Lord give me strength for tomorrow. The mooncake tasted great even if i'm not a fan of green tea (the mooncake was flavored with it), I liked the other one better. Then we lit up paper lanterns.
I'm just too tired to write a very chatty post. Ugh... oh yeah we played this game similar to Killer, Killer and the Vampire game this one was called "Who Killed Chang'e?" and I was one of the murderers. The problem was I don't know how to WINK...haha...seriously my mind is in turmoil...so heavy ...I meant my head feels heavy...Ta-ta for now, I just hope I feel much better tomorrow, I meant today...cheerio!
00:48 Posted in pinay boho | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
29.09.2006
random ramblings...
Horrifying. Why? I just wanted to write that. <evil laugh>. This has got to stop. I am squeezing in some blogging time as I am surely to be exhausted when I get home later...or not. Ugh, I hate the way people take advantage of you especially when you are so gullible. Maybe not that gullible, just to trusting and kind. I hate it. Ugh, that's all I can say. I just hope my mom and sister could go back in the Philippines to set things straight, it's not fair for us, because we are here and we can't defend ourselves, I can't believe it.... I can't believe it, after all that my mom did for her, I can't believe it! It's very frustrating. Oh man...I can't believe it. I just hope these things get straightened out.
13:50 Posted in scribbling boho | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
ouch!yum!and oh no!
NOpe. I'm not turning into a masochist.
The words above characterize the things that I have been going through this past week It's amazing how 4 monosyllabic words can sum up my week.
OUCH!
My hands felt clammy, my vision was blurred, I was breaking out in cold sweat, I was hyperventilating (in the bad I'M-GONNA-PASS-OUT-WAY) and to top it all off, I felt so weak. I thought I was going to die. As in drop dead on the floor. I clutched at whatever bannister or just anything I could hold on to. That was Sunday. These past few days I have been having a headache... a mild one but nevertheless still a headache. I hate headaches because they make me irritable and I can' t get much done.
YUM!
I have this thing for melted cheese on steaming rice, maybe because I miss the Baked Cheesy Lapu-Lapu on Rice at Mr. Choi's. A trait which my parents have passed on to me is when you want something that you can't have just yet. you go and create something just like it -INNOVATION. So instead of feeling deprived, I decided that I would create my own "baked" cheese rice melt. I have to make sure that the rice is steaming hot and that's when I plop the Kraft Singles slice on top of it, the warmth and steam of the rice just melts the cheese and so voila! Problem solved.
I like salty foods, it's something that my dear maternal grandmother passed on to me, and so I am freaking out because we ran out of bagoong na alamang . I mean how can I survive without it? Just writing about it makes my mouth water. My sister is so lucky, she'd be going with my mom back to the Philippines soon, to get her teeth fixed. She gets to eat tokneneng, baggong at manggang hilaw, halo-halo, sisig, Jollibee(sobrang miss ko na!), Chowking and all other stuff. Of course we can buy bagoong (I like the Barrio Fiesta brand) at Lucky Plaza, but then we just never get around to it.
Oh NO!
Jennifer SMSed me and said that "IT WAS RAINING A LOT" so the classes were suspended. I thought she was just kidding, that maybe it was only a medium strength typhoon, not enough to warrant headline news on channelnewsasia, I was wrong, it was an ultimate flood, aptly named Milenyo, internationally known as Xangsane. I do hope the high intensity winds won't damage too much houses, although that will be impossible. Judging from the photos I've seen it's really sad for those who live in the shanties, I just hope that there won't be any more casualties. Look at this photo, I got it from INQ7 site:
My prayers go out to everyone.Heard that power was restored and people have been cleaning up.
13:10 Posted in shOUT OuT | Permalink | Comments (1) | Email this
27.09.2006
contemplating on a move
Since nothing in my life ever seems constant or stable, I am beginning to feel the itch to move to another blog host. It has been on my mind of late, and it doesn't do well for me that Blogspirit is one of the French platforms, (read: never heard of). I tried Blogger but the only satisfaction I get from there is when I can change Blogksins which totally deviates from my purpose- to blog. My Blogdrive account is in a sorry state though, I haven't been able to update it in quite a few months now.
Anyway sometimes I think I'm just trying to be the "boho chick" of every blog host on the planet. I am currently updating my Wordpress blog, and there's this new bloghost called Vox, it's actually cool.But I have to find what fits me. Or maybe I'll still stick with "Old Reliable" Blogspirit, after all this is the first blog I was able to maintain.
16:32 Posted in scribbling boho | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
26.09.2006
stop the world i wanna get off!
O-kay, before anyone thinks that this is one of those angst-y, uber-depressing, churning of my mind, nope...
The title just sums up the study I have been doing for my visual journal, filed under WORK IN PROGRESS.
Plus, I watched a bit of Jimmy NEutron last saturday and Carl Wheezer said that, so it stuck on my mind.
Recently I was browsing through the New York Times and there was this article shocked me and made me think about the journal article from the Australian Occupational Therapy Association that I read during my spare (ahem! procrastinating actually) time, how most student therapists prefer to work in settings other than psychiatric ones. How at first a big chunk of the freshmen voiced interest in working in the mental health setting but after a few immersions most of them wouldn't opt for it again. The article also said that since few therapists would venture into mental health, there might be a danger of having the handful mental health therapists be spread too thin.
I haven't been personally involved in those settings like my friends have been, as they observed PGH's Ward 7 (the psychiatric ward) for a week and I don't think I could handle it. I mean, in this setting you never know what may happen. I think that those who work in the mental behavior field are really something, they can anticipate problems and "read" a person so well, regardless of their psychotic states. And so, I was saddened by the death of Dr. Fenton, and I feel for all those mental health workers, who have been more than willing to live their lives to help other people in a sense "find themselves" and be able to function well for their re-introduction to society.
19:17 Posted in cOntemplaTioN | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
23.09.2006
ABC soup and Lit fare
<sigh>
I can't say I that I don't envy my classmates right now, the physio and MRL part I don't really give an iota of concern, but man oh man, they are ACTUALLY evaluating patients/clients already...how cool is that? Plus they get to study occupational hazards in different workplace settings, talk about getting specialized! I've read all about this on our yahoo group, and they went to like the Manila Bulletin office and even at PAL! There's a tinge of wistfulness in my tone...<sniff..sniff>.
There's this one message entitled, "Suggested GMS for VIM". I know the occupational therapy student has a lot of acronyms to memorize there's the basics which I have firm grasp on like AA (Activity Analysis), T-L (Teaching Learning), GA (Group Activity), and MOHO (Model of Human Occupation), adn the institutions like OTAP, and stuff...but GMS? VIM? So even if I had no business in OT anymore, I read the message, GMS stands for Gross Motor Skills (that I know) and VIM is actually (Video Instruction Medium or something)...way too many technical terms. Wish you all the best guys!
Speaking of my beloved OT blockmates, they, as Juniper put it, have low impulse control...when I think about it, their impulse control is nil. Because I sent them a letter, which I divided in two installments, one I sent to Juniper and one I sent to Ding. I sent them both at the same day, and now after two weeks (I have a regressing faith on the Philippine postal system) the one that's addressed to Jun arrived. They were supposed to wait for the second letter before reading it, but as Juniper said, low impulse control, they read it eventhough the second part hadn't arrived the destination yet. It was only Karen who had the self-will to not hear of the first letter's contents and wait for the second one.
Juniper asked me if I wanted to submit a work for the UP Panitikan coffetable book project. It just gives me the shivers. I rarely make my work public and since entering University I haven't joined in any contests, I am scared, because the poems I make are (what I feel) not for public viewing...But then who knows? I may just get the courage. I love the UP Panitikan site, it's all the who's who in Filipino Literature, and they have links to the top writers blogs/sites too.Like Jessica Zafra, N.V.M. Gonzales and Bienvenido Lumbera...I guess you could say that this site represents another what-could-have-been life for me...
21:19 Posted in cOntemplaTioN | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
22.09.2006
Finding Solace in My God
It is no secret that in recent months I gave been in and out of relatively low emotional states. I seriously considered that maybe, I came ill-equipped for this new chapter in my life. The increasing bouts I have with depression has sometimes found me in tears.
Recently I have even found myself creeping under my bed, tears streaming down my face, begging God to kill me right then and there. Everything was too much. I reasoned out that if I were dead I would not disappoint myself for how crummy I've been doing lately and most of all I would not be too much of a disappointment to God Himself. It would spare both of us the agony, I thought to myself. I was in essence quitting on my life. "Just to take me home, Lord", I pleaded.
Some people would dismiss this as a pathetic emotional outburst, most would ask me why I did not call for help. In response to the latter, everyone has their own issues to deal with, people have a tough time sorting themselves out, why should I agitate them with more emo baggage? I would admit that I too, would think of myself as pathetic. If I were a casual observer I'd probably tell myself, " Just pick yourself up. You gotta be strong, don't let your emotions get a hold of you". Easier said than done.
Now please do not accuse me of not trying to curb these feelings. In reality it had to come to a point where warding off these negative thoughts became physically taxing. I tried to preoccupy my mind with activities that will distract me from hosting a pity party with "it's my party and I can cry if i want to" theme. I would spontaneously burst forth in song just to keep my mind off of the unwanted, depressing thoughts that seek to wreak havoc on my psyche.
As I was having my quiet time a few nights ago, I asked God to strengthen me with His Word-as Leslie Ludy would say it the TRUTH SERUM. Truth banishes fear, ignorance, and inaction. I asked God to minister to me regarding my roller coaster emotions.
He walked where I walked, He stood where I stand
He felt what I feel, He understands
He knows my frailty, Shared my humanity
Tempted in every way, Yet without sin
God with us, so close to us
God with us, Emmanuel
In Isaiah it is written that God is with us, our Emmanuel. As I was reminded of this song from Don Moen, I realized that God was with me even when I felt alone and that no one cared (enough to intervene).
Then, a thought was planted in my mind, I quickly took my Bible and prayerfully asked the Lord to lead me to His word and confirm the idea that came to me. I came to the end of the book o f Hebrews, after skimming the most part of the New Testament, two words caught my eye "High Priest", and I knew I was in the right track. My fingers led me to Hebrews 4: 15
For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with
our weakness, but was in all points tempted as we are yet without
sin.
I was greatly comforted, Jesus cares! Reading a bit further, I understood that He was not letting me go through this alone, He understands me! I need not feel foolish or shameful.
He felt the things I have been feeling. Not only that, but He had been ridiculed, rejected, spat on and tortured. He became man, then He could relate to me. He did not demand His rights nor stressed who he was. His identity as Son of God was questioned by some, He was mocked and yet He remained sinless. Jesus knew His purpose and because of that sin and negative thoughts did not enter and pollute His life. He overcame this things. Which is great news for me! I am not only assured that Jesus knows what I am going through, but the Bible also says that He'll help me with the issues I face and emerge more like Him. The Message Bible says it this way:
Now that we know what we have- Jesus, this great High Priest with
ready access to God-let's not let it slip through our fingers. We do not
have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through
weakness and testing, experienced it all- all but the sin. So let's walk
right up to Him and get what He is so ready to give. Take the mercy,
accept the help.
Hebrew 4:14-16
19:55 Posted in redeemed boho | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
21.09.2006
days gone by: what have you been doing lately?
I think I'm having withdrawal symptoms.
Oh, wait, let me backtrack on that.
I AM HAVING WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS.
Gone are the days when I feverishly hoped with all hope that there would be 27 hours in a day. It seemed then that the whole day wasn't enough to get things done.
Never in a million lightyears has the thought that I'll be bumming around for four months (and counting)entered my mind. As far as my student therapist mind could go, I was busy slaving for the Neuroanatomy thing, and setting my sights on becoming a "reg" student after being sidetracked by fulfillment issues during my freshman year.
And gone are the days when I actually had to turn down events because of my tightly packed schedule, when the only time I could see my family was when they were all asleep. Gone are the days when I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner at Rob, managing a diet which consisted of MSG and Caffeine as the biggest food groups.Hopping from one fast food chain to the next, or worse, buying foccacia just to make sure I have energy to last me through STS.
Now I no longer need the Papemelroti calendar that I give as presents to my beloved clique, the Phazies, which served as my planner. I no longer need to have Post-its all over my books, countertops and stuff. I no longer need to got to the CAMP library every weekend, fighting for some decent study space with the boisterous interns just to get things done.
I am as empty as my planner.
When people find out that I am neither studying nor working, it always begs the question, "So, what have you been doing?"
"Saving the environment"
"Finding a cure for cancer"
"Giving humanitarian aid to needy nations"
I WISH I COULD ANSWER THEM WITH THE RESPONSES ABOVE.
But seeing that I am always on my butt, I doubt that they will believe the veracity of my report. So I give them usual answers of a bum:
"Sleeping"
"Surfing the Net"
"Watch non-cable TV"
Sometimes I sense a little bit of pity in their eyes. <SIGH> Yeah, I sound pathetic.
The truth is that although my day is peppered with the stuff I mentioned above , I have been dabbing on to some things that I could not do (due to lack of time) when I was still fully immersed in the pursuit of my academic career.
I have been visual journaling, painting with acrylics, writing a lot these days (start my memoirs), reading books that will help me into some much needed paradigm shifts, studying more of God's word and definintely catching up on my friends back home. It doesn't sound much, but come to think of it, writing, journaling, painting, reading stuff not related to my major, getting in-depth with the Bible, and chatting up with friends were LUXURIES I couldn't afford before!
How many people can say that they are finally doing what they had wanted all along?
20:05 Posted in tracing thoughts | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this
19.09.2006
I'm Back
Ok...lotsa happened. I just hope that after the hiatus I would emerge mature, sane and not so boring blogger.Where do I start?
Well, start from the beginning they say...but I need to carefully choose my words right?
So I am glad I am blogging again and I have this thing to keep me going on...
Huh? Didn't get me either, in a couple of days you guys will be able to read more about my adventures in faith and how I fill my time.
Ciao!
Kiss...kiss...much love...
14:01 Posted in shOUT OuT | Permalink | Comments (0) | Email this