tHe bOho cHicK v 1.0

O-kay, before anyone thinks that this is one of those angst-y, uber-depressing, churning of my mind, nope...

The title just sums up the study I have been doing for my visual journal, filed under WORK IN PROGRESS.

Plus, I watched a bit of Jimmy NEutron last saturday and Carl Wheezer said that, so it stuck on my mind.

Recently I was browsing through the New York Times and there was this article shocked me and made me think about the journal article from the Australian Occupational Therapy Association that I read during my spare (ahem! procrastinating actually) time, how most student therapists prefer to work in settings other than psychiatric ones. How at first a big chunk of the freshmen voiced interest in working in the mental health setting but after a few immersions most of them wouldn't opt for it again. The article also said that since few therapists would venture into mental health, there might be a danger of having the handful mental health therapists be spread too thin.

I haven't been personally involved in those settings like my friends have been, as they observed PGH's Ward 7 (the psychiatric ward) for a week and I don't think I could handle it. I mean, in this setting you never know what may happen. I think that those who work in the mental behavior field are really something, they can anticipate problems and "read" a person so well, regardless of their psychotic states. And so, I was saddened by the death of Dr. Fenton, and I feel for all those mental health workers, who have been more than willing to live their lives to help other people in a sense "find themselves" and be able to function well for their re-introduction to society.

<sigh>

 I can't say I that I don't envy my classmates right now, the physio and MRL part I don't really give an iota of concern, but man oh man, they are ACTUALLY evaluating patients/clients already...how cool is that? Plus they get to study occupational hazards in different workplace settings, talk about getting specialized! I've read all about this on our yahoo group, and they went to like the Manila Bulletin office and even at PAL! There's a tinge of wistfulness in my tone...<sniff..sniff>.

There's this one message entitled, "Suggested GMS for VIM". I know the occupational therapy student has a lot of acronyms to memorize there's the basics which I have firm grasp on like AA (Activity Analysis), T-L (Teaching Learning), GA (Group Activity), and MOHO (Model of Human Occupation), adn the institutions like OTAP, and stuff...but GMS? VIM? So even if I had no business in OT anymore, I read the message, GMS stands for Gross Motor Skills (that I know) and VIM is actually (Video Instruction Medium or something)...way too many technical terms. Wish you all the best guys!

Speaking of my beloved OT blockmates, they, as Juniper put it, have low impulse control...when I think about it, their impulse control is nil. Because I sent them a letter, which I divided in two installments, one I sent to Juniper and one I sent to Ding. I sent them both at the same day, and now after two weeks (I have a regressing faith on the Philippine postal system) the one that's addressed to Jun arrived. They were supposed to wait for the second letter before reading it, but as Juniper said, low impulse control, they read it eventhough the second part hadn't arrived the destination yet. It was only Karen who had the self-will to not hear of the first letter's contents and wait for the second one.

Juniper asked me if I wanted to submit a work for the UP Panitikan coffetable book project. It just gives me the shivers. I rarely make my work public and since entering University I haven't joined in any contests, I am scared, because the poems I make are (what I feel) not for public viewing...But then who knows? I may just get the courage. I love the UP Panitikan site, it's all the who's who in Filipino Literature, and they have links to the top writers blogs/sites too.Like Jessica Zafra, N.V.M. Gonzales and Bienvenido Lumbera...I guess you could say that this site represents another what-could-have-been life for me...

Yeah I know, the previous post is very crummy, very gripe-y and so immature. Well, that's the way I saw things, but then I considered how Singapore is so diverse and maybe that's the way they are. And the thing is I have to live with it (how come it sounds so painful?).

Tsk, tsk, anyhow, blog leave officially starts today.

Look forward to a more mature, wiser and albeit zanier me!

toodles!

in case you were wondering...this is the re-enactment of my FAINTING SPELL at GAB 303 haha...wala lang...Thanks Carisse for making that day indelible in my mind!

we went to ICA for the extension of our social visit pass, and great news! we have like two more weeks before we receive our PR application...in the words of Butex...OLRAYT! haha...why am i quoting "nevahminds"? haha...jenny if you're reading this i just had to quote him. anyway...hmm...lapsing in my self-imposed self-improvement scheme.

heard great news from FIJ, they prayed for us last saturday, so thankful...

anyway juniper sent me an sms, a reason why my balance is once again dwindling, not that i mind though...haha kinda miss everyone, and tey says the whole block misses me because there's no chatterbox anymore...haha...yeah, right!

i am not that noisy!

i miss poring over medical texts and trying to pronounce the polysyllabic words which really never makes quite an impression on my memory (temporal lobe must function at optimal level). and i miss the CAMP library haha...trying to study, pretending to study, sleeping, browsing unrelated textbooks and looking at all the cute interns (they aren't that many) in short anyhting that doesn't have to do with studying, i only study during saturdays...yeah, a time when there are no classes, and i have to take an hour ride to go to school to study four subjects in eight hours...anyway...studying...who'd thought it'd have this effect on me...

fruity...

i've just received news that my grandma passed away. i cried as soon as i heard it, which was quite weird because i have never cried over these kind of things before...partly because i feel that releasing someone on to eternity is the most beautiful thing, sad but beautiful. i guess the sadness i felt was due to the way i had grown close to my grandma. she lives in the province, which is really quite far from Manila and the last time i saw her was 7 years ago. that was the time when i became close to her. it was after the death of my grandfather and she needed company so for a month and a half i was with her in the market, everytome she had her hair done, when she was going around town visiting relatives, even when she slept at night, i was not only her constant companion i also took care of her. the news that she had died really broke my heart because i had dreams that once i got a nice career i would be able to bless her and make her happy, now it won't come true anymore. what hurts the most is that i'm a million miles away from her. now it isn't just a bus ride that separates us...it's a whole ocean!  i wish with all my heart that i could be with her for the last time . my other (paternal) grandmother who i share my first name with passed away when i was just seven and we were in Saudi then, i had no memory of her at all because we spent our childhood in Saudi and i never got to know her, that is why i esteem  my maternal grandmother who also contributed her name to my name so much because she's the only grandma i've got. and you know what's weird? yesterday while at the MRT station i asked my sister, out of the blue, "where are the cemeteries here?"

More Than Just a Sunday Affair

judith lerma q. taan

More Than Just a Sunday Affair

I don’t want to wake early and dress up on a Sunday

Then completely messing my life up the next day

I don’t want to sing aloud and piously pray

Then finding myself saying things I don’t want to say

I just don’t want to listen to what You are saying

Then wake up tomorrow utterly forgetting

I know You’re the only One who’d care

I want You to be more than just a Sunday affair

Many people won’t understand why I think it’s a big deal

To worship You, know You, pursue You with zeal

They don’t know how You change lives, turn them around

That day when Your blood dripped to the ground

When I think of Your love, what You gave ,I think it’s unfair

That people don’t treat You more than just a Sunday affair

Because I have come to know You not just as Savior

You are my Friend, Joy, Love, Healer, Life-Giver

You’ve seen each tear that falls from my face

You see me through my un-beautiful days

You hold my hands and whisper my name

From Your presence, I emerge never the same

You are to me more than riches, fame or air

And Lord I want more than just a Sunday affair.

discontent

For most of us, the word conveys a negative attitude, mostly equated with avarice or ingratitude. We have been always taught to be grateful for what we have been given and to accept every situation we find ourselves to be in.

But sometimes being discontented is actually a good thing. I am not saying that we should be like immature children, stomping our feet our worse throwing a tantrum when things do not go as we have planned or we were not given what we wanted. That is being inconsiderate and selfish. What I mean by being discontented is one day, you would examine your life from and realize that, “There must be more for me than this”. Regardless of the circumstance you are in, whether you are experiencing the highest of all highs of your life or a very devastating valley of failure, you may feel that there is something that remains yet to be done. There is the “knowing” feeling that you ought to be doing more, pushing the limits of your paradigms, raising the bar so to speak. Becoming that someone who you are supposed to be.

I once read a poem from the book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens “ by Sean Covey and it stuck in my heart of hearts. I believe that the pits of my life have been dugged by me and most people have their own pit dugged by themselves. Pits are the situations in life that you find hard to get out of. Mostly because of your own doing like let’s say for a student like me, I am lazy then I find that I have to cram so I can get a decent grade. It becomes a habit that is hard to break and you blame others for it too. Then comes the painful awakening and after that you learn. Most mistakes or mishaps are created by the person involved and I want to share this poem that has struck true for me.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

From, There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street

There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk

I fall in

I am lost...I am helpless

It isn’t my fault

It takes forever to find a way out

II

I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I pretend I don’t see it

I fall in again

I can’t believe I am in the same place

But, it isn’t my fault

It still takes a long time to get out

III

I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I see it is there

I still fall in. It’s a habit

My eyes are open

I know where I am

It is my fault. I get out immediately

IV

I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I walk around it

V

I walk down the same street

This is a test post.

What am I talking about?

 I've been pretty silent these past few weeks because, frankly, I suddenly felt the need for privacy <plus I felt really silly writing about my personal life which is none of your business really, but then I had always loved to share>.

Aside from that, I am back to my boring uneventful life as an occupational therapy student. Ok when I saw boring and uneventful I don't mean that we don't have our own share of examinations, practicum, papers and reports. On the contrary, I think these things are what makes my life so boring. I feel like a zombie, without any goal in mind but to just rush through this exam or this requirement. There's really no form of "living" , I think I am just existing. Which can be so low at times that I feel a little bit sad and frustrated. I want to be able to experience living and not just let life pass me by. For quite awhile now I have neglected my journaling duties which I think is my only creative outlet and can help me set my priorities straight. I have tried berating myself but I find that I only regress to my innate (?) laziness.

And there is the fact of my Christian walk, I have resolved that I won't engage in "spectator Christianity" but find that I have no role models near my age who same the share sentiments as me. When you've shared one intimate moment with God, you're never going to be satisfied and that is what I feel right now. I just want to jump up and get going. When I do, I find that I am powerless because I do not know where to start. It's good that I have finally delineated my values and priorities, it's maintaining the purity of my walk that is difficult. Christianity is hard work. But my love for Him exceeds the discomfort that I feel. He loved me even before time began as said in one song. Another song was written where God was speaking and He said, "I love you more than the sun and the stars that I taught how to shine, you are mina and you shine for me too, I love you, everyday and today and tomorow, I'll say it again and again, I love you more"

Whew! The grace of God has kept me intact all these years and there's nothing more that I desire is to see Him glorified in my life. But alas, I am a new creature with an old self. I have a temper and this really cruel tongue...but then God's strength is made perfect in my weakness....

ciao!

it's funny how you can be part of a jovial crowd and still feel lost and all alone inside...

it's funny how you are not saying a thing when within you, you are shouting, screaming so hard...

it's funny how you smile and yet your tears just fall freely from your heart to the pit of your stomach until it makes you feel sick,

it's funny how you well know that the thing that you hate the most is the thing that you are most afraid of...

it's funny how you lose something because you've held it too tightly in your hand for fear it would disappear,

it's funny how you deny and deny and yet the truth is awfully clear...

it's funny how you can call one a friend but never really mean it...

it's funny how you've known someone for years and yet you've never seen the real "them" that they are...

it's funny how forsaking God we'd rather wish on one of His created stars...

it's funny how we look at the wrong places for the right thing when the right thing is staring right into our face...

it's funny and yet 'tis all true,

nobody's laughing...

yet no one's got a clue