tHe bOho cHicK v 1.0

eto na naman...

pilit na iniiwas ang tingin...baka mahuli mo...ang nais sambitin

nitong puso kong di ma-gets na never na tayong magiging...tayo...

asa pa...ayoko nang pilitin pa...walang pupuntahan ang puso kong luhaan...

asa pa...talagang lumilingon pa...walang mapapala kung ako'y aasa pa...

ilang timba pa ng luha ang kailangan iyakin?

ilang beses pa ba kailangan na ako'y bale-walain? para matanggap na wala nang paraan...

paulit-ulit umaasa...isandaang beses ng nasaktan...

sa tuwing ang puso ko'y nabibiyak...sa bawat luhang pumapatak...

namamatay ang kapirasong ako...papayag na lang ba so ganitong takbo ng mundo...

asa pa...di na ako aasa pa...kahit kailan ay never na magiging tayong dalawa...

asa pa...ako ay aalis na...

naghihintay lamang na ang puso ko'y di na ikaw maalala...at di na aasa pa

* I guess you could say that this is my FINAL goodbye. I've allowed this person to hurt me (although he did so unwittingly). Grabe... I actually hoped na yun nga we'd be together... hehe...as the line from the Rolling Stone says, "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you'll find, you get what you need!", the question to ask ngayon is , "What do I need?"

It could have started with the discovery of fire. Early men could finally keep warm in the cold, ward off animals from their camp, have a light source aside from the moon at night, and be able to cook palatable dishes. Maybe it’s the ability of humans for tool making: flints, makeshift hammers and arrows made the hunting-gathering type of society easier. Since then, humanity has never looked back from the invention of the wheel to the latest in nanotechnology. We have sought to improve our existence by making it as comfortable as possible.
            The radio, computer, mp3 player, latest handsets, hot iron and even sliced bread would make our ancestors envy our lives. The different modes of transportation available to us allow for great mobility. Robotics, a major contributor to the automation of a large aspect of the workforce eliminates risks for the worker as robots can be manipulated to areas or tasks considered perilous for humans. No longer do we have to deal with rotting food because of our refrigerators, add to that the air-conditioning systems, fans and other electrical appliances that make life easier. Kudos to Benjamin Franklin for electricity, without which would leave us completely paralyzed. Computers make life easier, and with the Internet, information is easily passed on to us. Gone were the days when tracking down a person was frustrating especially when you needed to talk to them a.s.a.p. With Alexander Graham Bell and the telephone, communication becomes effortless, then pagers arrived, and thanks to Nokia (for dumping their logging and rubber business) for venturing into mobile phones – deemed as the ultimate gadget. As for entertainment, there’s the PS2, Xbox, mp3, DVD or VCD players, or plasma television to be enjoyed indoors or modern amusement theme parks and movie houses.
            Life, eons ago, has come a really long way. Man has always improvised and adopted with a single thought in mind- to ease the hardships of everyday life in order to enjoy the world. It seems to be a noble enough cause. Striving for ease, perfection and comfort has brought us into a position where mundane tasks are relegated to machines and things that make us uncomfortable can be easily eliminated. The good life – that is what science and technology sells.
            But for what? Our drive for a more comfortable life has made us pay a price. Yes, necessity is the mother of invention. But things come at a higher price tag because of these. If through science, we wanted – and still do- to improve the quality of life, pray tell, why then does the earth react violently?
            Repercussions of scientific discovery, scientific exploration and technology are gradually diminishing our resources, contaminating the air we breathe and maybe in the not-so-distant future leave a vast wasteland. With plastics we found a convenient way of storing items with minimal breakage, yet, as it is non-biodegradable, it threatens to clog our sewers, float aimlessly in our seas and trash our surroundings. The dangers of chlorofluorocarbons in aerosols and refrigerators to our protective ozone layer have been voiced out by environmentalists for years. The black “gold”, petroleum products make our air too dense to breathe in. Who knows what kinds of potentially damaging chemicals we allow access to our bodies just by the act of life called “breathing in”. Nuclear energy sources were deemed as “clean” and looked promising until, of course, Chernobyl, where after decades of the tragedy, babies are born with horrific physical and physiological defects. They cannot even utilize the land they live in because it is too contaminated. Because of our so-called genius, ecosystems are disrupted making populations of different species at risk, and  weather and climate have changed with the El Niño and La Niña phenomena causing drought and floods in different places of the world. Nice.
            Of course, we never meant it that way. We never wanted to pollute the earth, destroy flora and fauna or render everything as wastelands. We had pure intentions, but in this scenario, pure intentions don’t make the cut. I guess it stems from a quite surprisingly biblical perspective, when God commanded Adam and Eve to subdue the earth and its inhabitants. Our “Dominion License” is about to run out with the way we are running this earth. In our zeal for reaching new heights, increasing comfort and profit, we inadvertently overlooked the consequences of our noble actions. Consequences which will have more far-reaching effects into the future generations than what we had predicted.
            Science and Technology, we must put into mind are tools by which we can manipulate our circumstances. Sadly, many people, scientists, capitalists, leaders and ordinary citizens alike fail to see the Big Picture by playing demi-gods, without pausing to think of the implications of our actions. It’s not just about the future generations who are in danger of not knowing what a blue sky is , as we studied in ecology, all the systems whether animate or inanimate, are connected. It is not enough that we think of ourselves in the now, but also of those who share the same air, sky, trees and seas, and for posterity.

it's funny how you can be part of a jovial crowd and still feel lost and all alone inside...

it's funny how you are not saying a thing when within you, you are shouting, screaming so hard...

it's funny how you smile and yet your tears just fall freely from your heart to the pit of your stomach until it makes you feel sick,

it's funny how you well know that the thing that you hate the most is the thing that you are most afraid of...

it's funny how you lose something because you've held it too tightly in your hand for fear it would disappear,

it's funny how you deny and deny and yet the truth is awfully clear...

it's funny how you can call one a friend but never really mean it...

it's funny how you've known someone for years and yet you've never seen the real "them" that they are...

it's funny how forsaking God we'd rather wish on one of His created stars...

it's funny how we look at the wrong places for the right thing when the right thing is staring right into our face...

it's funny and yet 'tis all true,

nobody's laughing...

yet no one's got a clue

I have been feeling bad about myself but now I think that the real ME is in the house. so who is the real me? well… she is someone adventurous, kind, witty, open hearted (? there’s no better way to say it I think) she loves to read almost everything. And ah… she is a good DREAMER. She dreams about a lot of things like writing the GREATEST novel on earth, becoming an honorary citizen of GREECE (don’t ask!), achieving a degree in chemical engineering in FRANCE, having a boutique in HAWAII and establishing an orphanage in the PHILIPPINES. See I told you she is such a dreamer. It is funny but I really want to achieve some of those things with God’s grace if He wills it. I want to contribute something great to benefit other people. I don’t really know about stem cell research, which means that I have been focusing too much time on TV and other stuff that are of no importance I want to have daily devotionals. I’m not saying I have a perfect life; I just want to as much as possible refrain or avoid things that I know are wrong so I won’t disappoint or even grieve HIM. I just hope that the kid in me… who I think is the real me won’t get lost in a sea of rationalism talkers. I like my imagination it’s so unbelievable that I’ll be sad if it ever goes away. I love to read about scientific things, you know quasi-scientific. And you know the forensic stuff … I want to become a scientist but I mean when I look at WHAT I DON”T HAVE… it just pops my balloon
so now I resolve to better myself and to make sure that I can be the person I really want to be.

[ These were my friggin' thoughts last year, it is kinda creepy when you stumble on something that is part of your past. Like unearthing a deep secret. Before, it wasn't ok for me to post this entry so never got around to sharing it, however, now, I feel like I have more control with my life, unlike the downward spiral I had subjected myself to last year. I pitied that girl. Now it's all bells, whistles, MAGIC! I just came across this entry in my cyber journal somewhere in the crevices of the information super highway...anyway, TTFN!]

Everything has to have a beginning and an end. That’s the stuff that fairy tales are made of, not only in make-believe worlds, but also in real life. There is birth and death, denial and acceptance, A and Z.

In love, the beginning is as equally important as the ending. There will be no “happily- ever -afters” without those “once-upon-a-times”. But, in application, these happily-ever-afters, seldom manifest in this world.

The silence was deafeningly loud…

Chelsea did not want to look up. She did not want to see the look on Seth’s face. She knew it was going to be hard, though not this hard.

Instead, she stared at the darkest corner of the stairwell, the one place where light never touches the walls. It was a quiet afternoon for the whole school and she had expected the serenity will wash over any guilt she has.

Why would she be guilty in the first place? She was doing the right thing. She knew her parents would approve of it, though they do not know Seth, will never know about Seth, she corrected herself. And her friends Katie and Sidney would too, because they have helped her in making this decision. They had assured her, countless of times before today that she would be all right, after the break-up.

The break-up.

For Chelsea, it was a weird thing to even think about it. It‘s not like we’re a couple or something, Chelsea justified herself. So, why am I doing this in the first place?

The moment that Seth stepped into her college life on a balmy afternoon, life as Chelsea knew it, rocked. Seth was not the type of guy that Chelsea would normally date. Or even like. He was the bad news boy, juvenile delinquent, playboy and Mr. Probation .He had blatant disregard for school rules, had different “flavors of the week” flings and trophy girlfriends. He was arrogant, cocky and self-centered. Chelsea too, was not the kind of girl Seth would go out with. She was straight-laced but not stuffy, she was everything Seth was not.

They were not supposed to even like each other.

So they were right after all, opposites do attract. And at a fast pace too.

Seth was drawn to her sweet demeanor and practical mind. For once, he met a girl who did not cling to him or thought he was a jackass. She was the only who took him for him, all the bad sides and good sides, even if sometimes he himself did not believe there was some good in him. He swore to himself that he would never let anything come in the way between him and Chelsea. She was a breath of fresh air for his stench. She still went with him despite the fact that her friends think he’s just a piece of junk. They were happy, Seth was happy, he never thought he’d be able to love and feel love in its purest form. And he hadn’t even kissed her yet. Dreams do come true, he said to himself, as he watched Chelsea sleeping beside him on the bus, her head on his shoulder. He felt as if forever was at his grasp, with her beside him.

His fears had come true.

The first thing that came into his mind was that Chelsea’s parents had forbidden her to see him. He knew them, from the way Chelsea talked; he knew what her folks were. Strict disciplinarians who knew how to pull the right reins on their children, Chelsea was an obedient daughter.

Seth looked at Chelsea, how could this be easy for her?, he asked himself. Chelsea was staring blankly at the wall. She had pulled him into the stairwell and quietly told him that they should not see each other again. Seth was more than shocked. Was it only yesterday that Chelsea had smiled up at him and told him that she had never been so happy spending an afternoon at the marina watching boats anchor and sail away, with the wind blowing on her face. She was a picture of sheer happiness, Seth was too.

Seth felt betrayed, was it all just a joke? Had the tricks he played on other girls finally exacted payment form him? If it were true, he would give everything, if he could just have Chelsea’s love.

Seth was too weak to stand so he knelt in front of Chelsea. He had done it countless of times before, to bring a girl back into his arms. But this time, it was more painful, like a knife into his heart. Chelsea closed her eyes shut.

“I thought you liked me” Seth finally managed to say. He was controlling his voice so it ended up more like of a whisper. Deep inside, his voice was quivering, like a child in fear. His head bowed down, he placed his hands on the floor. They too, were shaking.

“I do” Chelsea replied. She was rubbing her thumbs on the handkerchief she held. Seth was not making it easier. He could have laughed her off and said something like “You’re not that special!” in his arrogant way, and stomped off. Then she would find a reason to hate him and forget him. Things he did today only made her feel worse.

“You know I’d do anything for you, I have changed because of you” Seth said, his voice getting hoarse. He was trying to stop the tiny sobs that were building up inside him. He found it difficult to breathe. “Just give me a chance”. He looked up at her. Chelsea almost gasped, Seth was crying, tears were streaming down his face.

But she had resolved, not with anyone’s help at all, even though she knew lots of people would freely give their opinions about Seth. It was for the better. She liked him, she is afraid that she already loves him. She knew that even if their feelings were strong and it felt right, there is no guarantee that they would never hurt each other. She wanted whatever memories they had would remain happy and not be forgotten, not tarnished by fights and grievances. She knew that it would hurt for the moment but the beauty of what they shared will remain for a lifetime. She also knew some would think her a coward, for not fighting for her love, but what’s the use in fighting for it? She was a coward, because she wanted to love Seth forever and this was the only way she knew how.

“Seth” Chelsea said with desperation. She took his face in her hands. “The mere fact that I want to give you a chance scares me. I like you; in fact I may even love you. But what we have is too beautiful to just take advantage of. I want to remember you as what you are when I loved you and not what you have or will become. You, our love, it was too precious and I am not sure if I’ll ever have this again”.

“It would be more beautiful, Chelsea, that I promise, I would do anything”



“I am afraid, I can’t do that to you”, Chelsea sadly said. She leaned over to Seth and kissed his forehead. She stood up and slowly walked away, before Seth could even see the tears.


Seth watched slowly, as Chelsea walked out painfully out of his life.

Imagine Me Without You
sung by Jaci Velasquez
taken from the site http://www.geocities.com/smashed_links/WithoutYou.html

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You are the only love I'll need

In my life you are all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You are the one that is there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day I'd be afraid
Without you there to see me through

Imagine me without you
Lord You know it is just impossible
Because of you it is all brand new
my life is now worth while
I can't imagine me without you

When you caught me I was falling
Your love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard my calling
And you rush to set me free

p.s. you can even listen to it there!

ok so i just wanted to find out if i am "square" but then guess what? according to them i'm "cool"...hahaha...totally unbelievable...well, I'll post it anyway...and oh, just for the record...i took their test just ONCE, okay?

since my head aches, i decided not to aggravate the situation so i faced the montior and tyoed my research paper to the music of maroon 5's SHE WILL BE LOVED...

i feel so good about the research paper especially when i remember the circumstances that i was in when i typed it ( i finished it at 3 AM and i had to review for a big ASIAN HiSTory test at 5 AM and i had a class at 7:30 AM). i skipped my first class so i could catch up on much needed sleep or else my brain will cease functioning and i won't be able to answer the "TOXIC" questions that my prof wanted us to answer...I mean c'mon man who could remember what significant events happened during the yamato, heian, tokugawa, nara and other periods of Japan? Plus the Shing, Chou, Han, Manchu, Ching and all the empires of China, especially the weird names of places, and people too, like Rama Khanken or Rama Tibodi or something... Ok so i could have FLUNKED the exam...but I was bent on getting exempted from taking his final exams (which is like a cover-to-cover version of 3 history books) and i had done so well ont eh previous three so i was really counting on it.

also, the research paper was a miracle from God, hey I don't know how I could have pulled it off if it weren't for some divine intervention...

all i know is I am happy!!! everything is ALL GOOD!