tHe bOho cHicK v 1.0

Your wise quote is: "Our greatest glory is not
in never falling, but in rising everytime we
fall" by Confucius.
Yes indeed, you see true strenght can only be
seen when a person has "fallen". Only
then one can tell how they will handle it. Just
don't make others fall so you can know who they
really are. You on the other hand may be a very
quick recoverer and don't let people bring you
down. You are your own, and you're find with
that. Emotional issues is something you handle
rather nicely.


What wise quote fits you?(pics) UPDATED
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ALONE

This is my recent song and my third one…kinda funny though but I was happy when I wrote this! This song talks first about betrayal and rejection of a friend but don’t you notice the chorus? At first it seems as if there’s no reconciliation, but the phrase that she prays all day means that she still hope against hope that things will turn out ok as attested by the second stanza. I guess I’m like that now, despite the fact that people can reject me and hurt me, I must not be bitter or offended but instead I have to hold it all out first and hope and pray that things are going to be all right.

(F#m E D)
The whole world’s your stage
I can’t believe that you
Tore me out of the page
The story of me and you
I tried to console
The angst that was inside
Instead a gaping hole
From which I cannot hide

Chorus:
(A E F#m D)
I step away
as you watch me fade
You close my eyes
as you tell me lies
My tears they fall
knowing you won’t care at all
Alone, I pray
All day, yeah


(F#m E D)
I still believe
Light will come at last
There’s a time to grieve
To learn from the past
A restoration
Of something good
Annihilation
Of where evil once stood

Chorus:
(A E F#m D)
I step away
as you watch me fade
You close my eyes
as you tell me lies
My tears they fall
knowing you won’t care at all
Alone, I pray
All day, yeah

Sometimes I feel like I’m too kind…before you dismiss me as being arrogant let me prove my point. Recently, we had to pass a scrapbook which chronicled our “children’s party” for the PERSONS WITH DISABILITIES. In the first place, there was already a consensus as to who would make the scrapbook; sadly, she had to go back to the province for a much needed vacation. But we needed to pass it ASAP…enter me, of course I admit that I am not used to saving people’s butts (my group mates), but me Ms. Gullible fell for it. It’s not that I want to play the “hero” or anything; I was dead-tired during the meeting so I came forward. When the “scrapbook” came into my hands it was in a sorry state, it was not neat and it had creases…not because the one who made it was careless… it just was. Anyway I volunteered because I observed that no one would like to finish the stuff so I dived in…in an empty pool.
I arrived at home by 9:30 pm and from then on I “slaved” for the scrapbook, taking all of my art and crafts supplies (I never asked for money from them) UNTIL FOUR IN THE MORNING!!! I did not sleep; my creative juices ran out trying to make sure that EVERYTHING was perfect and nice, I had foregone my favorite shows, and much needed rest and stuff like that. Did I get any thanks? OK so, I volunteered but I know you’ll agree with me when I say I deserve a simple “thank you” but what did I get? Nothing…in fact they were upset that I changed the whole thing (which I SHOULD do because it wouldn’t fit in at all with the new stuff and besides the scrapbook they gave me WAS NOT THAT PRESENTABLE). What pisses me off was that I slaved my entire self for that scrapbook, I gave my all in all and they did not even thank me…not even a pat in the back saying “ good job”.
Sniff..sniff…am I overreacting here? It’s not that I wanted to be lauded and bowed down to, I just wanted them to appreciate what I have done you know, I never do things like that. And what is worse I AGREED with them when they became upset, it was only after the incident that I realized nobody thanked me, in fact they were full of criticisms like “You should have done this”, “Why didn’t you put this , it was nicer?”(Like hello, newsflash, I did not sleep because of this scrapbook and that is all you can say?). I wanted to turn back the time and NOT VOLUNTEER at all you know, but I was concerned about my grade. People are so used to stepping down on me like a foot rug, and I hate them for it. Worse, I hate myself, because I allow them to do that to me. I never want to volunteer again. I admit, I kind of felt bad against them because I tried my hardest and they never even saw my effort all they could see was that I could hurt the feelings of the one who was assigned to make the scrapbook (which I never intended to do, I just wanted things to be ok) by changing everything.
And I never got the chance to confront them because I was busy trying to appease them and I did not notice that I was insulted for a full hour! So does anyone here think I’m touchy-feely or is it normal for me to feel this way? I was really hurt because I tried to help and save our skins yet it was for nothing…to my group mates…thanks you guys, now I feel more than ever that I am on this life alone, maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion but you have to understand…WHEN I TRUST, I TRUST COMPLETELY, I’D GIVE EVERYTHING FOR THOSE PEOPLE, I’D BE THERE ALWAYS. BUT WHEN YOU BETRAY ME OR HURT ME SO BAD IT CAUSES ME TO FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF…POOF!YOU’VE LOST A DO-EVERYTHING-FOR-YOU FRIEND. I have this thing about rejection, I can forgive and forget that is true but somehow you can never bring back the things you used to be to me and I used to be to you. I know it’s bad but I am so used to believing people telling me that “this is like it is” and I never want to be fooled again. You may say that I can change friends quickly or discard them…I disagree, the reason why I pull away because you have hurt me and I associate you with pain already. So, if ever I change the way I treat you, man, you may have other friends and you may be “all that” but you surely know how to break one’s heart. I can never like or love you again…not even trust…maybe I’d speak with you but just for formality’s sake. All my life people along the way have rejected me, while I was still in the womb and up til now, but guess what? unlike before when I would just cower and agree, I won’t let you mess up my life for me.

i want to place a missing person's ad
i've lost the friend i thought i never had
she was there though all the episodes
that life showed but i'd let go
i nver knew how blessed iw as to have her
and to hear echoes of her laughter
was pure joy

have you seen her? they say she looks like me
the shadow of my past
the promise of a future that will last
have you seen her?
the comforrt in my pain
when everyone thoughti'd gone insane

where are you now?
the girl i once knew
the girl who told me the truth
where are you now?
the girl i'm supposed to be
my foundation, my identity

The Lady and the Soldier
R. Romea Luminarias

Medals chimed upon his chest
While they minced by the barbed wire gate.

He spoke of harvests, rebels freed;
And she, of farmers lynched by beasts.

Her keen eyes scanned the crystal tiers
Of brazen anting-anting* - souvenirs

From wars that warped the wooden gods
Who schemed to tame the ire of fire.

She gazed at slugs in shards of skulls,
Their shades as pale as wounded scars,

Swords, tomahawks, dudgeons armors,
Arrows, spears, from simple wars.

“What rare collection dear,” she said
Filching a poniard from the shelf;

He curtly turned to close the doorway.
Medals chimed upon his chest.

“I treasure theses,” he bravely beamed.
“The threat they flaunt prods captives; Speak,

Speak of children we have salvaged**
Speak of flesh, my soldier’s feast!”

He briefly strode to lock the doorway.

His fingers probed her navel’s depth.

The poniard poised like a snake.

Medals chimed against her breast.

• anting-anting- in the Philippines theses are charms that you were about your neck that will protect you form harm and give you supernatural powers
• salvaged- unlike its dictionary definition, in Filipino culture “salvaged” people are those who were taken abruptly by the police or government and then they are tortured and sometimes killed because of their involvement with anti-government protests or because they were falsely accused of a crime they did not commit and refused to admit guilt. Sometimes the bodies will be dumped at abandoned residential lots or rivers.


TAken from VERSUS: Filipino Protest Poetry

If Noah Was A Filipino (Funny but Strikingly True!) It is the year 2004 and Noah lives in the PHILIPPINES. The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth.Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a Mayor's permit for construction and your plans "did not comply with the codes". I had to hire their "engineering firm" and "redraw" the plans. Then I got into a fight with Municipal Fire Safety Inspector over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and extinguishers. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a permit from the municipal planning office. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Monkey-Eating Eagle. I finally convinced the DENR that I needed the wood To save the eagles. However, the DENR won't let me catch any eagles. So, no eagles. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the KMU. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no eagles. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the DENR again notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact assessment on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe. Then the DPWH demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the DOLE that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! The BIR has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the BIR that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft." The NBI and ISAFP each wanted a piece of the action alleging that the Ark would be used by the Magdalo soldiers to escape. The PNP on the other hand insists that Al-Ghozi might use the Arkto flee to Indonesia. Malacaang sees the opportunity to use the Ark for GMA's Strong Republic Nautical Highway presidential campaign sorties. Finally the Senate got thecourts to issue a TRO against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 10 or 16 years!" Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly...."The government is already doing that."

It was already three o’ clock and Jessie could not believe that in an hour the weeks’ preparation will finally be over. At least it will be worth it, she sighed. She looked around her, the makeshift workshop her org-mates had set up at the deck of the Sociology building was in frenzy, sort of like Santa’s workshop when Christmas nears. It was a good thing that the deck had a sunroof at least their pieces would not fly away and be left lying on the university grounds. Everyone from the department was there; even the professors were busy helping the students. They were like little elves, sewing away, hammers pounding rhythmically on the crate for the set pieces, busy perking models up, and putting the finishing touches to the props they had made. And they had their very own Santa too, though not the white bearded, fat guy, instead they had Mimi, the pencil-thin, giraffe-necked, chirpy girl, she even has Santa’s disposition. Mimi is the president of the Student Council for the Sociology Department of which Jessie is the Vice-Presidents for External Affairs. “All right people, let us make the whole department proud,” she would say to them, she had this sweet smile that captured everyone and managed to persuade anyone to do whatever she wants, though not in a manipulative way. Mimi just made people feel that they were enjoying themselves although in ordinary circumstances the work will be so boring and tedious. Springer University’s Annual Fashion & Passion Week was a huge success as it was every year. Every department had participated during the week long fair where there were lots of band performances both from the student body and professional bands, games and booths, food stalls that offered almost any type of food, from the delicatessen to the exotic and inter-department contests featuring not only the students but also the faculty and administrators as well. The celebration will cap off with a fashion show that will capture the essence of each department. The Sociology Department of Springer University has always had a place in the competition but the last time they bagged the first prize was two years ago, and now they are really hoping they could win it this time around. “WHAT? You have got to be kidding!,” Mimi shrieked. Jessie almost pricked her finger with the needle she was holding while sewing the beads on the chiffon cloth. Jessie looked up to find Mimi on the verge of tears while talking to Bern, the guy in charge of the models. Bern was also the Vice-President for Internal Affairs. Jessie stood up and left the cloth on the work table to approach Mimi and Bern, she could sense there was trouble. As she neared them, Mrs. Hernandez, the head of the Department reached Bern and Mimi two. “What is the problem here Mimi?,” Mrs. Hernandez asked. She was about fifty years old. She was wearing a pinstripe suit and under it a light blue blouse, she did not look at all like fifty. She was very graceful and her short hair was always neatly blow-dried and teased upward. She had an easy smile and an endearing laugh, Jessie doesn’t know if there really IS an endearing laugh but Jessie knew if there was one, Mrs. Hernandez’ laugh was that kind. Nevertheless, everyone can be fooled by her sweet demeanor, inside the lecture room, Mrs. Hernandez is toxic as toxic can get. She required countless papers, researches, community immersions and interviews. It was obvious that she had the passion for sociology and teaching. But Jessie enjoyed having her as her professor for a semester in THREE subjects, plus the fact that she was also her academic adviser. “Oh, nothing major ma’am, I am sure we could find a replace-,” Mimi said nervously. “Wait, did you say a replacement?,” Mrs. Hernandez asked her, this time with eyebrows raised. At this point Bern spoke up. “It seems that one of our models have been missing ma’am,” Bern said, his voice exuding calmness. Bern Santiago was also a junior like Jessie. He was very active in student council activities and excelled academically. He was charming to everyone and kind too. There was no doubt in Jessie’s mind that Bern will be the next Student Council president. With his mestizo looks, public speaking prowess and strategist brain, he was on his way to a political career. “That is NOT good,” Mrs. Hernandez replied. Mimi was thinking thoughtfully. “We know that ma’am,” Bern said. “We will find a replacement for Helen in no time, or we could just have a model take two walks”. “But that can’t be possible because we cannot showcase all our creations then,” Jessie reminded Bern. “Oh, I forgot about that,” Bern said as he slapped his hand to his head. Then he straightened his shoulders. “Not to worry Mimi I’m on the case, may be one of the seamstress’ could model for us? Anyway I’m off!” Then Bern went to the dressing room made of patched up curtains. “I wonder where that boy gets his optimism from,” Mrs. Hernandez remarked, and then turning to Mimi, “You must make sure everything will turn out okay today, Mimi” “Yes, ma’am,” Mimi said as the professor walked away. Mimi faced Jessie, she was looking distraught. “Come on. Mims, everything will be fine,” Jessie said as she tried to comfort Mimi. “You’ve been through a lot this month, don’t worry everything will hold up”. Jessie gave Mimi a hug. “I just hope so, this is like, my legacy to this darned Department, I don’t want to blow it, I’ve been planning this since I was a freshman,” Mimi’s muffled voice explained. Jessie let her go. “Thanks, Jess”. “Anyway got to go back to my sewing,” Jessie said cheerfully. As Jess turned to leave, Mimi called out to her. “Hey Jess,”She called out, Jessie turned around,Mimi had her hands folded together, “Can you do me one last favor for THIS HOUR?” Jessie laughed, as Vice-president for External Affairs, people really take it literally and give Jessie errands that will take he outside the department building. “Okay, shoot,” Jessie said as she walked over to Mimi again. Mimi smiled sweetly. ”Come here, I want to show you something,” Mimi said. Jess followed Mimi to the “stockroom” section of the deck. Jess could see a pile of rubbish, maybe trash from the projects, because there were pieces of cloth, wood slats, paint cans and brushes everywhere. Jessie saw Mimi thrust her hands into a black garbage bag. “What is that?,” Jessie said disgustedly at what Mimi got out of the bag. “Say hello to your ancestors,” Mimi said as she raised two colossal heads of what seemed to be a Sachlanthropus tchadensis and a Pithecanthropus something. “This is just a sample; I’ve got the whole family tree in there, like 15 more heads”. “So what do you want me to do with them?’ “Can you please bring it to the auditorium, Jackie, the one in charge of production ahs been waiting for these guys for like an hour already, I forgot to give them to the guys in charge of transpo” Mimi looked pleadingly at Jessie. Jessie rolled her eyes. She picked up the garbage bag and brought the two heads back inside the bag again. She heaved and almost lost air because the bag was very heavy. She tied the opening shut and hugged the big mass of aggregate heads. “All right, you got me, no more goo-goo eyes, okay?” Jessie told Mimi. Mimi did what she would call a “Victory dance”, but it looked more like an ostrich- who- got- stuck –in- a –wire- fence -trying- to- escape dance. “Thanks again!” Mimi walked her to the top of the stairs. “Remember, you owe me big time,” Jessie sternly said to Mimi. “Yup, I know a mocha java and a pineapple tart,” Mimi called out as Jessie descended the stairs. It was Jessie’s favorite thing to order at the university café, the Promenade. Now, where should I go? Jessie asked herself, I don’t want to disturb people by barging down the stairs with this. Jessie saw the Fire Exit, she shrugged, No one ever uses the fire exit, right?. She whistled as she went down, looking at the steps, because the bag’s bulk won’t let her step down sideways. Oh, crap! Jessie said to herself, it was then she remembered that the Sociology building had FIVE FLOORS. It was a good thing that the auditorium was just across the street. Jessie imagined what could happen if the bag burst open and out come SEVENTEEN heads rolling on the road. Jessie laughed to herself. Then she suddenly remembered that after this week, she would not see more of Jeric Romero, also a sociology major but he is in his fourth year and everyone knows that graduating students were always away on some immersion at a province. Jessie first met Jeric when she was a sophomore and he was a junior, they were group mates at the Sociology department’s variety show. Jeric was in charge of the lights and sounds and Jessie was the one who conceptualized every effect, she even used the latest software. They hit it off really well, during practices they were always together, they discussed the sequence of the effects when they had both the time, Jeric even calls her at her house to make sure everything was perfect. Jeric was really fun to be with for Jessie, and he did not act like a complete jerk, as Jessie thought all men are. Jeric knew how to make people laugh and yet he was also had a philosophical side. After the variety show, Jessie hoped she and Jeric would still be able to talk but then everything just fizzled out. Jeric never talked to her again, may be just a ‘hi’ when they pass each other at the halls. But Jessie could still see Jeric pass by her rooms during the past semesters but no eye contact. They never had the chance to become group mates again, and the Passion & Fashion week was not an exception, Jeric wasn’t part of the preparation, in fact he was chosen as one of the student judges for the competition! Jessie felt a jealous pang as she thought of the beautiful girls that Jeric will see later that night. Not that she was ugly, she wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous either, Jessie was more like in between. I guess I’m not the type that a guy like Jeric Romero would fall for, she sighed. She hummed to herself…. Fly me to the moon… And let me play among… In other words…please be true… In other words…I…love “WHAM!” Jessie felt herself falling backward at a fast rate and saw the ancient heads burst out from the bag. She felt her back hit the concrete step as her feet slipped from beneath her, her butt broke her fall and she found herself sitting on her sore behind. “Oh my,” Jessie said rubbing her feet with her right hand. Then she realized that the heads were scattered on the stairs. As she stood up she saw that the Australopithecus robustus finally found its body, he was wearing a drab green shirt and jeans. Jessie rushed over to the ape-man, careful not to trip with the other decapitated heads. The ape-man was sitting down and had a hard time getting up because of the large head he wore. Jessie reached the foot of the stairs and helped the guy stand up. “Ohmigosh!,” Jessie shrieked as she saw that ape-man’s face was deformed. Mimi will kill me!, she groaned . She then held the mask at its base and tried to free the person inside. “Okay, I’ll count to three and I’ll pull” “One…” “Two…” “Three!” Jessie yanked off the mask from the head and stared at the mask. “I’m done for,” she said out loud, the mask’s hair was torn off and the lips resembled bacon strips. “Hey, are you –“Jessie could not believe the person standing before her, it was Jeric. Jessie knew her mouth was gaped open, she knew that she looked like a mess, she knew that the whole time she was busy examining the mask Jeric was staring at her , she knew this was the time she had waited for, but she could not say a thing, she just wanted to know what Jeric felt. Jeric just stared at her. Jessie felt her heart stopped pumping blood the moment she caught sight of him. “O-kay?,” Jessie finally broke the silence. She wanted to slap herself silly, why does she have to be this stammering idiot in front of Jeric? “Well, yeah, for a minute there I thought there was a blackout, it was stuffy inside there though,” Jeric said and he pointed at the mask. Then he looked around the floor, “What are you going to do with all these heads?” “It’s for the fashion show,” Jessie quickly replied, “Mimi wanted me to bring this to Jackie at the auditorium” “Oh, alone? It’s a wonder you were able to carry all of these,” Jeric said. Jessie looked down and smiled to herself. Could this be a compliment? Well it doesn’t beat “you’re pretty” but it comes pretty darned close, Jessie thought. Then Jeric spoke up again, “Not that you’re not strong, I’ sure you are”. Jessie did not know if outwardly her face fell but her hopes fell that minute. What does he think of me an Amazon on steroids? “Well, I’m in trouble, “Jessie retorted, “Seems like robustus here needs plastic surgery”. She held up the head. “I’m dreadfully sorry, Mimi would kill me,” Jeric said. He looked at her. “Isn’t there any way we could fix him?” “I don’t know,” Jessie said as she picked the other heads. Jeric proceeded to do the same. Their hands brushed when both of them reached for the Homo erectus, Jessie quickly moved away. “Listen, Jess,” Jeric finally said as Jessie was tying up the bag again. “Let me help you bring that to the auditorium, I’d explain what happened to Mimi my self”. Jessie did not know why but she started to get irritated at Jeric. May be it was because she felt bad that Jeric acted like the variety show happened just a month ago and they had been talking to each other for the past YEAR. How could he act like that when he deliberately ignores me during general Assemblies?, Jessie asked herself indignantly. Jessie slung the bag over her shoulder, she cringed, the bag seemed to be heavier by the minute. “Would that be like, a violation of contest rules?,” Jessie snapped. Jeric was obviously taken aback by Jessie’s change in attitude. “What do you mean?,” Jeric asked her. Jessie began to step down the stairs. Jeric followed her, he held the bag up from behind her to ease the weight. “What I meant was, you’re the judge, they would see you helping to load a contender’s props, will that be like a bias?,” Jessie said, trying to breathe properly. “Helping a friend would not be biased,” Jeric replied. ”What’s wrong? Why do you seem off? I told you I’ll try to fix the mask”. Jessie could not stand it a little longer. Why was he being so kind now?And I suppose when all of this is over he’d forget me again, like I never existed, Jessie bitterly thought. “Will you just stop it!,” Jessie shouted at Jeric. She was surprised at the sound of her own voice , it rang up , down and across the stairs. “I was just trying to-“Jeric tried to explain. Jessie put the bag down and faced Jeric. Suddenly she was crying. “How could you act like that? As if there was nothing wrong?” Jessie said through her tears. “What do you mean? Is this still about the mask? Why are you crying?” Jeric asked, his faced clouded over with concern. Jessie felt stupid and foolish. She was not even sure that Jeric felt the same thing. She abruptly turned her back, picked the bag and ran as fast as she could. Her adrenaline must have been that high because she carried the bag in one hand and was wiping her eyes with her left hand. “Hey, we’ve been waiting for you,” Mimi cheerfully greeted Jessie in the bustling backstage of the auditiorium but then she frowned when she saw Jessie’s tear-stained face. “What’s wrong what happened?,” She asked, Bern also approached her. Jessie sobbed even more; she knew she could not tell the truth she could not tell anyone about her stupidity. Jessie took out the robustus mask. Then she cried even more. “Oh no!,” Mimi said. “What happened?” But Jessie cried even more. Jackie approached them. “You tyrant,” Jackie mockingly accused Mimi, “This bag is so heavy, why did you let her carry it? Maybe it fell, look at this it’s a mess”. “I’m sorry, Mims,” Jessie said between sobs. She was not crying because she was hurt, nor because of the ape-man’s demise, she was crying because her pride got hurt. “Well, that’s okay, you can still do something to remedy it?,” Bern finally spoke up. Jessie looked at Bern, Bern looked at Mimi and Mimi looked at her thoughtfully. “Really, how?,” Jessie asked, eager to make at least one part of the disaster right. “Remember when I told Mims, we lost a model?” Bern asked with a twinkle in his eye and what seemed to Jessie then, an evil grin. “No way!” Jessie whispered, realizing what they intended to do. “Aw, come on Jess, you said you wanted to fix this!” Mimi whined. “I do, I do,” Jessie said as she sat down at the bench. “But, I can’t do it” “You’re just going to walk, get an attitude, which I’m sure you have,” Mimi said chirpily, ”It will just be for two minutes of walking and posing” “Come on Jess,” Bern pleaded, “You were the one who said that models mustn’t wear two clothes” “I did, but I don’t want to be the model!” “You are breaking our hearts, Jess” Jackie then said. The two nodded in agreement. They looked at her with pleading eyes. “Will you let all of us down? It won’t be like the Jessie Miranda we know,” Bern said emphatically. “All right,” Jessie said with a gulp, “I’ll do it”. A thousand thoughts raced inside her head as Jessie was being prepped up by Pepper, the resident make-up artist of the department. Although Pepper was chatty, Jessie was light years away from Orlando Bloom and his pet dachshund. She did not know why she agreed to do this. The last thing she wanted was to see Jeric, judging her. She had thoughts that Jeric will give the department a low score because of the “episode” between them that happened earlier in the afternoon. She looked at her costume, it was their interpretation of a society’s stratification, a layered halter gown which had gold silk (representing the rich) with semi-precious stones, a blue cotton middle (represented the middle class) and a patched up bottom (represented the lower class). She asked Pepper to give her the most outlandish look, one that will completely cover her face so Jeric would not be able to recognize her. Pepper was only too glad to oblige. And now she looked like Marilyn Manson meets Alice in Wonderland. But it was not that bad, Mimi and Bern liked it, Mrs. Hernandez who dropped by earlier also liked it. “Okay, I’m done,” Pepper finally said. ”I’m gonna leave you now, good luck!” “Thanks,” Jessie said with a smile. She was the only person left in the dressing room because she was just shucked in thirty minutes ago. They were the fifth to perform and she was nervous. He’d probably take a leak on our show time, Jessie wished. There was a knock on the door. “Come in,” Jessie called out. From the dressing room mirror she saw Jeric enter the room and closed the door behind him. For some reason Jessie felt her choker literally choking the air out of her. “Hi,” Jeric greeted her from the door; he did not make any attempt to come any closer. Jessie hung her head in embarrassment. “What are you doing here?” she said as she raised her head. “I asked Mimi where would find you and she told me you were modeling in exchange for the ape mask,” he explained. Jeric changed into a metallic silver suit, with a peach shirt underneath. Jessie assumed it was for the post-contest party. “What do you want? Aren’t you needed outside?,” Jessie asked, but not stiffly. She felt bad about the way she treated Jeric and she knew she had assumed too much. “Well, before anything else,” Jeric said as he approached her. He turned the swivel chair where Jessie sat so that he faced her. He kneeled in front of her. Jessie wanted to stop him but it was already too late. “I’m sorry for being a jerk, I mean, it’s still a wonder why you even spoke to me earlier,” Jeric began. He looked up at her. “I mean, last, last year when I met you I told myself, ‘man, here’s the girl I want to be with’, I just thought you were great.” Jeric waited to hear Jessie’s reaction but she just stared at him. So he continued. “But then, I got so scared out of my wits that you didn’t like me as much as I like you, maybe you think I’m just an older brother or something like that, so in all my jerky wisdom, I guess I rejected you before you could even reject me”. Jessie could not believe what Jeric has been telling her. He actually liked her. “But I did not totally reject you because I had to fight the urge of running into you or passing by your room every ten minutes during my free time. And the reason why I was at the fire exit because ever since the preparation for the Passion and Fashion week started, all I wanted was to be with you but I couldn’t because I was a judge and so I used the fire exit to sort of like see how you were doing. I was scared that if you knew you’d think I was a stalker or something. Jessie,” Jeric said as he took Jessie’s hands into his, “I’m really sorry” “I hate you,” Jessie said, to the point of tears. “Why?” Jeric said, it was not the reaction he hoped he had elicited. “You’re going to ruin my make up,” Jessie complained as her eyes got misty. Jeric felt a wave of relief. “You could have just asked me if I liked you too, that way it would have saved us both from trouble”. Jeric had to laugh, he hugged Jessie. “I’m so sorry, Jess,” he said again. “You’re a big jerk, you know that? You put me into this situation?” Jessie said as she hugged him back. Jeric looked at Jessie again. “Yeah, I am your ONLY jerk, remember that,” he told her with a smile, “I’m going to make sure you’ll win” The night ended great for the Sociology department. Even without Jeric’s biased scoring, all 35 judges were in favor of their presentation. Mimi finally had her legacy (though they did not use the ape heads anymore), Bern was up for the Student Council Presidency, and Jessie? Well, she had someone drive her home that night.

Aargh! Why are guys like that? All they think is that I’m not after a friendship but you know, having a deeper kind of “getting to know you” relationship, which is like crap because right now all I want are FRIENDS and I’m not into any sort of romantic attachment at this point! It is really so frustrating, they think I’m just making advances [think:TOTALLY GROSSED OUT!]. Damn! Can’t I just have a purely platonic thing going on? I have always had guy friends but what’s hard is that I’ve been thrust into a situation where I cannot make many guy friends because there is like a complete violation of the law of supply and demand! Please, a guy FRIEND, PAL, CHUM, BUDDY and NOT a LOVER! The worst thing is that they think I am so overly friendly…maybe it is my fault, maybe I am the one sending out mixed signals [thinks it over]…NAAAAAH! Uhmm…I hate it, okay so, I’m not saying girl friends are not enough, it’s just there are some things that I can talk over with them that I’d have a different side than when I talk with the XX-chroms like me…guys look at things differently [waah! An UNDERSTATEMENT!] anyway, I just hope I could really find a guy friend like I had in high school…

Standing in line to catch the next bus home
the world is crowded but i feel all alone
the honks and whistles distract my ears
i am thrashing inside but no one hears
the line moves and i start to stare
bad manners, but i don't really care
some questions surface as i watch people go
who they really are and what do they know?
do they act or feel like me sometimes?
i'm thinking straight yet out of my mind
are there times when they feel left out
have they considered moving south?
because the whole world's out there
while i'm sleeping in
awoke from the slumber never knew
where i've been
i've lived my life from the inside
but i'm still looking in
i've tired from fighting battles i couldn't win
the bus pulls in i step up inside
make my way through the aisle
a seat is offered at teh back
think about life as the grip slacks...