tHe bOho cHicK v 1.0

For those of you who are still left in the dark, you can find my updated blog here. All the updates, poetry, artwork, songs, stories and what not are over at the Wordpress blog. See you there!

Puedo escribir los versos

 

Puedo escribir los veros mas tristes esta noche.

Escribir, por ejemplo: 'La noche esta strellada, y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos'.

El viento de la noche gira en cielo y canta.

Puedo escribir los versos mas tristes esta noche.

Yo la quise, y a veces ella tambien me quiso.

En las noches como esta la tuve entre mis brazos.

La bese tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.

Ella me quiso, a veces yo tambien la queria .

Como no haber amado sus grandes ojos filos.

Puedo escribir los versos mas tristes esta noche.

Pensar quo no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.

Oir la noche inmensa, mas inmensa sin ella

Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocio.

Que importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla.

La noche esta estrellada y ella no esta conmigo.

Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.

Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.

Mi corazon la busca, y ella no esta conmigo.

La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos arboles.

Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.

Ya no la quiero , es cierto, pero cuanto la quise.

Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oido.

De otro. Sera de otro.Como antes de mis besos.

Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.

Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.

Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido.

Porque en noches come esta la tuve entre mis brazos,

mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.

Anuque este sea el ultimo dolor que ella me causa,

y estos sean los ultimos, versos que yo le escribo.

 

I just plan to memorize a few of my favorite lines from the only male contemporary poet that I am a fan of (come to think of it, he is the only male poet that I am a crazy for). PABLO NERUDA ROCKS- need I say more? I have been posting his poems lately haven't I? It just speaks to me . I have to thank Ms. Charette for this, thank you for opening my eyes to a world beyond Shakespeare and Chaucer! What strikes me is the poignant tone of this poem, and his words just flow whether in Spanish or the translated English ones.

Oh yeah, I also like Rilke! But had been acquainted with his book "Letters to a Young Poet" before I even read his poems. I think it was he who said that if you can't find any beauty in your life, and your surroundings it is your fault. We, as human beings are responsible to create beauty and art in our lives. So cool...I think this is the 199th post of this blog, and maybe I'm gonna move...maybe not.Who knows?

I think I'm having withdrawal symptoms.

Oh, wait, let me backtrack on that.

I AM HAVING WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS.

Gone are the days when I feverishly hoped with all hope that there would be 27 hours in a day. It seemed then that the whole day wasn't enough to get things done.

Never in a million lightyears has the thought that I'll be bumming around for four months (and counting)entered my mind. As far as my student therapist mind could go, I was busy slaving for the Neuroanatomy thing, and setting my sights on becoming a "reg" student after being sidetracked by fulfillment issues during my freshman year.

And gone are the days when I actually had to turn down events because of my tightly packed schedule, when the only time I could see my family was when they were all asleep. Gone are the days when I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner at Rob, managing a diet which consisted of MSG and Caffeine as the biggest food groups.Hopping from one fast food chain to the next, or worse, buying foccacia just to make sure I have energy to last me through STS.

 Now I no longer need the Papemelroti calendar that I give as presents to my beloved clique, the Phazies, which served as my planner. I no longer need to have Post-its all over my books, countertops and stuff. I no longer need to got to the CAMP library every weekend, fighting for some decent study space with the boisterous interns just to get things done.

 I am as empty as my planner.

When people find out that I am neither studying nor working, it always begs the question, "So, what have you been doing?"

"Saving the environment"

"Finding a cure for cancer"

"Giving humanitarian aid to needy nations"

I WISH I COULD ANSWER THEM WITH THE RESPONSES ABOVE.

But seeing that I am always on my butt, I doubt that they will believe the veracity of my report. So I give them usual answers of a bum:

"Sleeping"

"Surfing the Net"

"Watch non-cable TV"

Sometimes I sense a little bit of pity in their eyes. <SIGH> Yeah, I sound pathetic.

The truth is that although my day is peppered with the stuff I mentioned above , I have been dabbing on to some things that I could not do (due to lack of time) when I was still fully immersed in the pursuit of my academic career.

I have been visual journaling, painting with acrylics, writing a lot these days (start my memoirs), reading books that will help me into some much needed paradigm shifts, studying more of God's word and definintely catching up on my friends back home. It doesn't sound much, but come to think of it, writing, journaling, painting, reading stuff not related to my major, getting in-depth with the Bible, and chatting up with friends were LUXURIES I couldn't afford before!

How many people can say that they are finally doing what they had wanted all along?

November 4, 2004

I have been feeling bad about myself but now I think that the real ME is in the house. so who is the real me? well… she is someone adventurous, kind, witty, open hearted (? there’s no better way to say it I think) she loves to read almost everything. And ah… she is a good DREAMER. She dreams about a lot of things like writing the GREATEST novel on earth, becoming an honorary citizen of GREECE (don’t ask!), achieving a degree in chemical engineering in FRANCE, having a boutique in HAWAII and establishing an orphanage in the PHILIPPINES. See I told you she is such a dreamer. It is funny but I really want to achieve some of those things with God’s grace if He wills it. I want to contribute something great to benefit other people. I don’t really know about stem cell research, which means that I have been focusing too much time on TV and other stuff that are of no importance I want to have daily devotionals. I’m not saying I have a perfect life; I just want to as much as possible refrain or avoid things that I know are wrong so I won’t disappoint or even grieve HIM. I just hope that the kid in me… who I think is the real me won’t get lost in a sea of rationalism talkers. I like my imagination it’s so unbelievable that I’ll be sad if it ever goes away. I love to read about scientific things, you know quasi-scientific. And you know the forensic stuff … I want to become a scientist but I mean when I look at WHAT I DON”T HAVE… it just pops my balloon
so now I resolve to better myself and to make sure that I can be the person I really want to be.

[ These were my friggin' thoughts last year, it is kinda creepy when you stumble on something that is part of your past. Like unearthing a deep secret. Before, it wasn't ok for me to post this entry so never got around to sharing it, however, now, I feel like I have more control with my life, unlike the downward spiral I had subjected myself to last year. I pitied that girl. Now it's all bells, whistles, MAGIC! I just came across this entry in my cyber journal somewhere in the crevices of the information super highway...anyway, TTFN!]